sweet tart

I hate waiting. I thought I was patient, but I guess I'm not when it comes to my boyfriend. He left at 12am. because his friend from Fresno wanted to chill before he'd go back to Fresno. Like who the fuck chills at midnight, why cant you chill in the daytime instead. I on the other hand, didnt want him to go because I barely just called him, and all of a sudden he leaves. It's weird not talking to him on the phone at night. I can't sleep right because I tend to worry. I worry about all sorts of stuff, but I trust him. I just get scared because I tend to think of the 'what ifs' and I want him to come home safe. Anyways I told him I'd wait for him. I actually waited while talking to Dan on AIM for awhile. It was 2:30a.m. -still waiting. I knocked out and received a text in the morning saying he sleptover. UGH, I waited for nothing basically, and I overslept! I was late for first period again. As time flew by, I found 10 bucks in my pocket which made my day! Only for a little bit though because I ended up losing the money at lunch. I got mad because Kevin never picked me up at school, and I was expecting him to be there at the parking lot at lunch, but I guess he was still at his friends house. I feel selfish and expect too much from him sometimes. Does that make me a bad girlfriend? I know I cant depend on someone on making me happy because if I'm not happy and the other person isnt, that its a sad story. I dont know, but when we first started going out, it was worse. I didnt know how to be a girlfriend and I was super shy. I didnt know how to show affection towards a guy and I always thought he read my mind. But i guess not, guys arent psychic after all, but neither are girls! I always waited for him to come to me, and I guess he was always waiting for me to come to him which wasnt good at all because it led to big fights, misunderstandings and him doubting that I like him. I really did though! I'm just surprised he never gave up on me like other guys. He actually put up with me because with other past guys, they were all the same-I guess working it out wasnt in their books. He taught me how to be a better person and girlfriend as well. I'm still trying to be the best girlfriend, but it takes alot of learning from mistakes, and believe me, Ive had a bunches. I'm sorry, I'm not perfect, but all I have to offer is this type love is hope that I make him feel as good as he makes me feel, like believing that him being in my life makes me a better person type love.